The strength to forgo the storm.

Memories really make us what we are.

I remember these times. (The day when I wrote this)

Those struggles with the definitions of others and what definitions I assigned myself.

Amazing what can happen when you finally learn that the strength to hold onto umbrellas requires you to dismiss the storms that threaten your grip.

I wrote this a few years back

April 21st 2019

The stigmas and stereotypes are often worse than the affliction.

I’ve survived PTSD for the larger part of my entire life.
As I grow older, wisdom has taught me better ways to manage and mitigate the symptoms.

Unfortunately, knee jerk reactions and uneducated bias have people denying, dismissing, projecting and flat out attacking my mental health and underlying character.

For the record.

I don’t hear voices in my head.
I don’t confuse reality with flashbacks
I’m not compelled to harm others or myself.
I do not get carried away in a psychotic episode just because I’m triggered.
I do not wish to have PTSD and do not enjoy anything about it.

Instead, you should know.

Anger and rage are the smallest parts. The anger and rage you see in a triggered episode is that of a sane man being dragged away into the pit.

I know that the real pain is on it’s way and you’re watching me fight for my life.

Depression and guilt live in the pit and they can keep you if they get their claws into you.

And while I claw and grab for hope, don’t hack at my fingers.
While you attack the cancer, you kill the patient.

It is because of this I only write about my history with PTSD and rarely speak about it in public.

99% of the world will label you broken and crazy, adding insult to injury.
It breaks my heart when people label me crazy and broken.
I live to serve others, forever an advocate.
How can that be so easily dismissed because of an outdated and skewed perception of PTSD?
People whom struggle with depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental health issues are not the enemy. They are victims who fight against their assailants every minute of everyday.

Why attack the patient dealing with injuries unseen?

Please be compelled to see the heart behind the affliction.
Please be compelled to reach out and pull them from the pit or better yet, hug and hold them tight and punch those trying to pull them down.

Most of us are building the courage to fight our fears. It’s even harder to build the courage to ask for help.
The most common answer is “NO”, which leaves you all alone.

Eventually you stop asking.

☝?That took me 45 minutes to write, a method I have developed that keeps my mind and spirit preoccupied while the storm of a trigger rages on inside my mind. Eventually, I’ll be able to rewrite neural pathways that have been created by habitual thought patterns. The longer I redirect a reaction to a trigger the more likely the new pattern will become the easiest pattern to perform.

Cognitive therapy in all its glory and it is effective.
It just takes time, repetition and discipline.

Like holding a umbrella in a tornado, you’ll loose plenty of umbrellas until you develop the strength to hold on.

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